A Prison Love Story

I first met my wife in high school, but we fell in love 15 years later when I mistakenly sent Britteni an email meant for my friend's girlfriend. One year later, I proposed to her during what she thought was a surprise birthday party for me.

This might be just another “meet-cute” story, except that the proposal happened over a prison video system. (I am the one in prison, serving 63 years for my role in a murder.) Cute and romantic meets crime and punishment. 

Before describing how Britteni and I have dealt with the many challenges we have faced in loving each other, let us confront the stereotypes about relationships with incarcerated men.

What are the men after? Because prisoners are fully human (I hope that is not a controversial statement!), we have the same yearning for intimacy as everyone else. Some prisoners actively search for it by signing up for websites such as WriteAPrisoner or Meet-An-Inmate, platforms designed to help incarcerated people connect with the outside world.  

Completing these applications (usually on paper, since most prisoners do not have access to the open Internet) raises the same questions about how to present oneself as on a dating app. Out of fear of sounding too desperate for love, some prisoners say they are “looking for friendship." Others are blunt: "I'm just looking for sex!" I have seen applications like that accompanied by a photograph of a shirtless prisoner, lathered with enough baby oil to make him flammable. That is how Mike—whom I worked with when I was at Washington State Penitentiary, where he is serving a life sentence—found the woman who eventually became his wife. Not the most common way to find love, perhaps, but it worked for him.